Iowa State basketball: West Virginia students create best preview ever


We may not be doing a preview on the blog today. That’s because West Virginia students did a better job at Iowa State basketball than I could ever do in one of the most hilarious scouting reports you’ll see.

The latest edition of the Mountaineer Maniacs Musings gives us a look at their next opponent –us! They give a quick snippet preview, scout the team, and their traditional cheers. Let’s break it all down with the preview first.

"[WVU basketball] returns home tonight after winning its first two Big 12 games on the road, to face its strongest opponent yet — The Iowa Hawkeyes — oh I’m sorry Iowa’s little brother — the Iowa State Cyclones."

Ah, the classic “little brother” term. Something that’s not outdated at all and we know the Cyclones haven’t competed with the Hawkeyes in the last 20 years.

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Onto the player previews, which is truly the best part of this whole thing. First up is the “Bum of the Game,” and naturally Georges Niang makes the list because he called out the Musings last year.

"Leads the team in personal fouls…Says Ames IA is better than Morgantown…Loves Ice Cream…Loves long walks under the basket…BOO HIM EVERY TIME HE TOUCHES THE BALL!!!!!"

Come on, who doesn’t like ice cream?

Naz Long:

"Enjoyed Boxing as a child…Niang says he has awoken to Long blasting Ginuwine and “Dancing like Magic Mike”"

The only thing Niang did wrong there was not put a video up on Twitter when he talked about it.

Bryce Dejean-Jones:

Instead of quoting, it’s important to know they have a picture of BDJ in handcuffs and talk about him being dismissed from USC after allegedly hitting a freshman and the whole marijuana-horrible neighbor incident in December. What can you say — BDJ has made some dumbass decisions, but we’ll hope he can turn the corner.

Feb 26, 2014; Ames, IA, USA; Iowa State Cyclones guard Monte Morris (11) scores a layup against the West Virginia Mountaineers in the first half at James H. Hilton Coliseum. Mandatory Credit: Reese Strickland-USA TODAY Sports

Monte Morris:

"Niang calls him the best singer on the team…Calls himself “Mr. BigGame Himself” on Instagram"

When you’re dominating the assist-to-turnover ratio by yourself in all of college basketball since the beginning, you can call yourself “Mr. BigGame” all you want.

Dustin Hogue:

"Remember Me? I decided to kick Kevin Noreen in the chest to get a rebound in a blowout game…Loves to get Pedicures…Took 1223 pictures of his legs on Naz Long’s Phone"

I know BYU fans can’t let go of DeAndre Kane not actually poking Eric Mika when they look at the video instead of a picture that’s taken out of context, but WVU fans are still upset about this? As for taking that many pictures on Long’s phone, maybe he’ll learn to add a password to that thing.

As for honorable mentions, they talk about Matt Thomas beating Fred Hoiberg at golf, his DUI, and is a “fan of ‘Hot Yoga.'” They mention Jameel McKay‘s “wonderful 42% Free Throw Percentage” and Abdel Nader being “ON FIRE!!!” with a 16 percent shooting percentage from downtown.

Then it goes on to Fred Hoiberg (with a picture of him pulling off his dancing in that commercial), where they point out he made it to the Sweet 16 once as a player and a coach, the NCAA placing Iowa State on probation for recruiting violations, and he “loves to bust out sweet dance moves on TV.” Ah, calling out a school for an NCAA violation when they received the same punishment in the past. Bravo.

I won’t get into the traditional cheers. They’re pointless now that this has been leaked and the Iowa State team knows about it, but you can try anyway!

You can take a look at the whole newsletter over at The Des Moines Register, where Randy Peterson takes a crack at the pinata. Hopefully there’s more of these that we don’t publicly know about. This is really the best thing I’ll read all day.

Next: ISU-WVU: Five players to watch